Outcast.

I don't want to make it seem like I never had a father figure in my life. As a child, my younger sisters father took me in. He was my dad. Growing up he would come pick BOTH of us up for holidays, school clothes shopping for BOTH of us, and we BOTH received gifts from him for Christmas. Everyone in the family took me in as if we all had the same blood running through our veins. Although I haven't seen them in a while, they are still my family. I will never forget how excited I was for Christmas and summer breaks. My sister and I always counted down the days until OUR daddy was coming to get us. 

When I was eleven, my momma sent my sister and I to live with OUR daddy. I'm not over exaggerating when I say, that was THE WORST year of my life. It was like I saw an entirely different side of him. To me, he went from OUR daddy, to Lisa's (my sister) daddy. There were things that he would do for my sister that he wouldn't do for me. That year, I really had to grow up. I learned to braid so that I could make sure my sisters hair was always done, because he wasn't concerned what our hair looked like. Thanks to my cousin we had food in our stomachs before we went to bed each night. There came a point when, if I received money from my momma, uncles or aunties, I was using it to buy food and snacks so that we could eat. Yes, the struggle was real.

Along with the fact that I didn't really get along with my aunt (who's house we all lived in) the worst part about that year was when my 12th birthday came around. Now, anyone that KNOWS me, knows I DO NOT like chocolate. For my birthday, I received a chocolate cake. I didn't complain, but I didn't eat it either.

When that year was over, I was never so excited to see my momma. I vowed to NEVER step foot in that house again, and I didn't. My sisters daddy would come and get her for hoildays, as usual, but I was sticking to my word. I finally made the decision to go back and visit my extended family when I was 18. The only reason I did go back to visit was for my Nanny (sisters grandmother). She called, and asked me why I wasn't coming to the family reunion, even though she already knew. "You can't make me pay for what somebody else did." When she spoke those words to me, I knew I had to swallow my pride and take that trip. 

I LOVE the my sisters family, always have and I always will. I love OUR daddy. He didn't have to take me in and treat me like one of his own for as long as he did, and because he did I'm very thankful. Buuuut I also feel like, if you stepped up and took on such a great responsibility, why would you flip the script on me when I needed you the most? I can't deny the fact that for a year I felt like an outcast by OUR daddy.