I'm Just Being Honest.

There are a lot of things I wish I could have had growing up. Mainly a relationship with my father.
I don't think people from both parent households truly understand how the absences of a parent can really affect a child. Whether it's short term, long term or lifetime, a girl growing up without her father does cause short term, and/or long term issues.

Nothing hurts more than when you actually want to have that relationship but that feeling is unrequited. 

Growing up, (and sometimes now) I often wondered, "WHY?" Why was he always telling me, "I'm going to take you to the movies this weekend" The weekend comes around, and I'm dressed and ready for my father to come AROUND THE CORNER and pick me up. WHY, out of a thousand basketball games that I played in, he only came to ONE? WHY? WHY? WHY? I've never gotten my answers, and I don't think I ever will.

Thinking back on it, I don't recall being sad about my fathers absence, because my momma was always their to pick up the pieces. She always knew what to do or say, but sometimes I felt like she was making excuses for him. In middle school, I found out what child support was, and I couldn't understand why my momma wasn't MAKING my father pay her. I was his child too, and I felt like he needed to pay her for taking care of me by herself. She never did. I remember thinking to myself, "how dumb can she be?" She had the power to MAKE him pay, I wanted her to MAKE him pay for not coming to my games, for not calling me on my birthday's, for not being there. Its not like he has 3 kids, I am the ONLY one. She never did. 

When I got to high school, I remember my momma saying, how she couldn't MAKE a man take care of his responsibilities, but she can and she did take care of hers. She would always talk about how time consuming going to court was, when she could be at work. I also learned that she WAS indeed, cussing my father out all those years. She just made sure I wasn't around to witness it. From then on, the amount of respect I had for my momma increased immensely. From then on, I wanted to do everything I could to make her job, as a single mother simpler. I strived to get the best grades, to stay out of trouble, and to help out around the house as much as possible.

I wish I knew the words to say, or the steps to take to "get over it".  My advice is to LOVE him, and DON'T blame yourself for their absences. Nine times out of ten, it honestly has nothing to do with YOU. God removed him from your life for a reason. Whatever they have or had going on in THEIR lives, may not have been what you needed to be exposed to.